i have given this all the thought i can 

At night, when I feel weakest

when I find myself padding alone through my home

avoiding the light and voices of the TV, the radio

only to stand, barefoot, on my lawn

staring at the shifting clouding, questioning

all of my most recent decisions

You, long gone, a distance too far to reach with just my arms

wrapped soundly in a shroud of cotton and sleep

I still feel your voice echoing in my chest.

My heart beats like the approaching flood waters

a desire that fills my body

leaving me feeling heavy, drowning in my own thoughts.

Under a streetlight, there is a cat

the colour of softened butter, patrolling the alleyway.

It’s fur feels like the back of your head

and I recoil, reaching back into my pocket

only to find my keys, a stick of gum, some old kleenex.

I look back, the cat is gone

and I am left alone

picking the shining hairs from my sweater.

I want to reach out and run my fingertips

through the edge of your hairline

where your ears meet the side

of your slumbering face.

Lately, I’ve been having dreams

where I find myself standing in my bathroom

facing the mirror with a pumice stone 

in my right hand.

I am peeling away my skin 

like layers of old paper

trying in vain to remove the imprints of your fingertips.