Things I have learned recently:

> Tazo Spiced Chai makes my mouth feel weird, but not in the good way, more in the “why does my nose hurt now?” kind of way.

> You are never too old to wake up covered in a fine film of whiskey and cheap lipstick.

> The last word from the Hallelujah Chorus has the same notes as the last line from Grease’s Summer Lovin’, but you definitely shouldn’t tack on, “Tell me moooore, tell me moooooore!” to the end of Hallelujah unless you want to incur the wrath of angry churchgoers.

> Andy falls asleep way faster than I do lately.

I was recently told by someone that he’d never experienced real heartbreak, in that whole “she ripped my heart out and stomped it into a paste” kind of way. I feel weird hearing this because I’ve totally been there (in the position of stompee) and it’s the worst fucking feeling in the world. Hell, I wouldn’t wish that awful gaping chasm of loneliness that opens up inside you on anyone, and yet part of me feels like it’s something you just need to go through at some point, even if it’s just so you can truly understand what all those whiny bastards are singing about when your favourite band starts moaning about lost love. You kind of just want to take the person and go, “Baby, let me be your heartbreak. I’ll show you what it’s like to feel as though there’s no way you’ll ever be ok again, and you can listen to sad songs and feel your heart skip all the wrong beats. We can go out for lattes afterwards, if you like, if that’s ok.”